Life Unexpected

I am here to tell you about my experience of life happening unexpectedly. This happens to everyone, but when we are in the midst of the storm it can feel like all odds are against you. I have had some very pinnacle moments in my life that have brought me to the place I am right now. I have mentioned before that my divorce came about rather unexpectedly. Although this was heartbreaking, and seemed like the end of my world at least at that time we both had good jobs that we could independently take care of ourselves. I had everything sorted, my little apartment only 10 minutes away and we had a schedule that worked for sharing my son. It wasn’t the ideal life but I could deal with it and cope day to day. As soon as I was getting into the swing of things my entire world became scattered on the floor. My job was closed down in a matter of 4 days. And when I say 4 days we were given the news on a Monday that the school I worked for was being sued by the Department of Education, and then by Thursday the school was closed. When this news was delivered to the staff things didn’t look good but we were told that the school was going to fight and not to worry. Now of course I was worried and I don’t think I really believed that the school would win against the Department of Education. By Thursday morning my students called me as I was leaving my house telling me they received an email that the school would be closing and they could come and retrieve all of there belongings. Surprisingly I held it together really well, but I think the scar this left me still aches today. Needless to day February 4, 2016 was an incredibly hard day. It still feels like yesterday having a job and a almost 3 year old and then the next day not having a job. Alhumdulillah I am still here, I have survived. But I will say the trauma of this event is still very real.

I learned from this experience that no job is ever truly secure. Not only are all workers easy replaceable but we are also at the mercy of what is in the companies best interest. We could be working for a company and at anytime be let go, or have the business close down. This has made it very hard for me to see work in a positive light or even a secure light. I have had several jobs since working for the school that closed down. Some of the jobs I have loved, and some have been just a means to survival. But I haven’t found that same security at any of these jobs. I have a mindset that every single one of my paychecks could be my very last check. This is terrifying, and I know all to well the reality that this could be true for any one of us. I have had a really hard time not having this security in my life. It has caused me such deep hurt and trust issues.

I was listening to a podcast this last week about finances. And it was so inspiring, because the woman being interviewed had experienced this exact same thing during the recession. It made me feel for her, but it also made me realize that the attitude I have now towards working and some of the reasoning behind my attitude. She described how she had felt she was in a secure job and life was going so good, and then it was all gone. She then talked about the depression she felt at this time in her life, and the fear she felt in getting a new job knowing that it could be taken away from her at any moment. As soon as she said that it brought up all of my fears. I realized that maybe one of the reasons I struggle in finding a good job is because of this fear. Its can be debilitating, going to work each day feeling like it could be your last day at work. The fear can strike when you pay your bills because the money is no longer in your account in case of an emergency. The fear can come out of nowhere if you boss pulls you aside and says they need to talk to you. The one thing I want more then anything at this time of my life is security. I feel like I lost security in all areas of my life a long time ago. The more my life spins out of control the more I long for some stability.

I am so happy that I have finally taken a good hard look at my finances, and started a realistic budget for myself. I also realize that only having a budget isn’t going to solve my problems. But I know I have to start somewhere at take the baby steps necessary towards a better life. I budget by paycheck because this way I am able to pay the bills that need to be paid before the next paycheck and then I can more realistically plan out the left over funds accordingly. The hardest thing for me with budgeting at this time is being flexible. Know that if the money doesn’t go exactly where I intended for it to go that is totally okay.

Life happens unexpectedly, and we may never be prepared for some of those unexpected events. Such as being fired from a job, surviving a foreclosure, bankruptcy, dealing with a divorce, or even a death of a loved one. There is comfort though in knowledge that everything is decreed by Allah. Whatever happens to us, could always be worse and we need to know that Allah has the best plan for our lives. When I remember these two things that the decree of Allah is best for me and whatever is meant to be will be no matter what. I can find comfort even on my worst days. If I slow down for a minute and help someone less fortunate then me it quickly shifts my mind from a victim mentality to a grateful one. As soon as I begin to list the things I am grateful for the abundance grows even more.

I have mentioned my car accident(s) previously, but I feel that this is a great reminder of being grateful. I was working for Uber and Lyft as my full time source of income and while working I was rear ended by the city bus. This was devastating because at the time if I wasn’t asleep or I didn’t have my son I literally was working. This happened on Mother’s day of all days. I needed the money that I was working so hard for that upcoming Wednesday. I didn’t know how I would continue to pay my bills because I now no longer had a job or a car. I actually cleaned some houses to make ends meet, and told others that I am a licensed cosmetologist. Neither of these jobs were my passion, but they did help me making ends meet for the few months I was out of work. As soon as I got my new car the lady I was renting a room from told me that I no longer could live there. I went from not having a job and transportation, to no longer having a place to live. Talk about hard, but allhumdulillah I survived. 8 months later I then was involved in another car accident. This time losing my income all over again. I was yet again faced with some of the very same challenges I just was getting over. Alhumdulillah for these experiences though because it forced me to slow down. It forced me to focus on the things I have in my power that I could be thankful for. I learned how to take the bus everywhere I needed to go. I would ride it to doctors appointments and then back home and also took the bus several times to interviews. I learned to be thankful for my legs that would get me from place to place. I learned to be patient when a bus didn’t show up on time. This experience was probably one of the more challenging ones I have had to deal with but it makes me thankful every single day that I am able to get around more easily now. It showed me that although I loved doing Uber and Lyft that I needed a more stable income because although I had freedom and control of my schedule the stability was lacking.

What things have happened to you unexpectedly? Is there a way to be more prepared next time something happens? I am reminded that Allah even feeds all of the animals of the earth if they wake up and go out looking for food. So why would I ever imagine that he could forget one of us. He will always provide for each and every one of us. Sometimes the provisions come later then we expect, or they come to us in a different form but he will provide. Now we need to go and put in the effort for the provisions to come. May we all have barakah in all that we do.

Asalamu Alaikum (Peace be upon you)