Fear

When we have a negative life experience we then naturally shy away from reliving that again. Who would want to experience the same bad thing twice? But over time fear begins to develop or creep in. I have come to the conclusion that our decisions are directly impacted by our perceptions. When we make decisions with fear we are not making a decision with a clear head. 

When I look at an opportunity from a place of fear I start to get overwhelmed by all of the negative possibilities. Seeing every scenario that can go wrong. The truth of the matter is things in life can go wrong, but it can also go right. When fear runs our decisions it is hard to find the moments where life can go right. For myself it is less scary to deal with the known, but it is dealing with the unknown that makes me freeze up. I have encountered several very difficult situations in the last few years. The more I speak to others, I realize that we are all going through difficulties and tests. We all are being tested, whether this is with different hardships, or if it is with luxuries that should make our lives easier. I personally have been in such a state of fear in the last year when it comes to making life decisions. I feel like some of the hardships I have faced have left me with very few options and all of them have several unknown factors. I am reminded in the Qur’an it says “And we will surely test you with something of fear and hunger and a loss of wealth and lives and fruits, but give good tidings to the patient” in ayah 2:155. Reading this today brought tears to my eyes, because I have been living in such paralyzing fear of the unknown. Realistically none of us know the future, and all of our lives can change in a heartbeat. We are so fragile but all have the feeling that we are invincible.        

I am reminded each and every day about the fragility of this life. Hearing of those who died in the community or on the news. Death is all around us, and knows no age. An event can dramatically change your circumstances. We are all experiencing this uncertainty first hand with Covid-19. An accident or illness can happen at any time. We all take for granted simple things, like walking or breathing. We may not even notice these blessings until they are taken away from us. I would like to share a story of three young Muslims with a similar controversial scenario; it rang out on the news that they were killed over a parking dispute by a neighbor in their complex. The three victims included Deah, Yusor, and Razan. Razan and Yusor were newlyweds (who had just been married the month before this incident with their whole life ahead of them), were killed alongside Deah. All three of them had so much life to give, and it ended in one moment. Three lives gone over nothing; this news reminds me that this life is temporary and can change in the blink of an eye. As humans we are often planning and preparing for the future but nothing promised to any of us. We need to live each and every moment to the best of our ability. 

I learned previously that if we engage in a sin that it is best to immediately go out and do something good. As humans we are always going to make mistakes, this is how we are designed. But when we come to the realization to follow up something bad with something good it brings nothing but khair (goodness and blessings). I also have found this to be healing, if I do something I am not proud of I will begin to have negative self talk. Only making the initial feeling worse. I have found that when taking the opportunity to use that and spread goodness I will then feel better as well. I am reminded of a hadith that teaches about this concept. Hadiths are lessons from the life of the Prophet Mohammad PBUH (peace be upon him) they have been authenticated and verified, so that we can learn the sunnah (lifestyle) of the prophet. Prophet Muhammad PBUH life is a perfect example for us to follow his teachings, his way of living thats sunnah.      

Abu Huraira reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said:

وَالَّذِي نَفْسِي بِيَدِهِ لَوْ لَمْ تُذْنِبُوا لَذَهَبَ اللَّهُ بِكُمْ وَلَجَاءَ بِقَوْمٍ يُذْنِبُونَ فَيَسْتَغْفِرُونَ اللَّهَ فَيَغْفِرُ لَهُمْ

By Him in whose hand is my soul, if you did not sin, Allah would replace you with people who would sin and they would seek forgiveness from Allah and He would forgive them.

Source: Ṣaḥīḥ Muslim 2749, Grade: Sahih

For me perfectionism is a continuous struggle; striving for perfection will generate an anxiety about the possibility of failure. I feel apprehensive about messing up, and the consequences that could proceed. In all actuality as humans we all make mistakes, this is how we can grow and learn. Our mistakes are not there for us to spiral downwards, but they are there for us to pivot our direction and grow. Life was never meant to be perfect.   

Fear really is an imprisoning concept, it only traps the one that is afraid. Currently our entire world is experiencing some form of fear. Over time fear can build and become so large it may sneak up and it becomes impossible to take action. Causing us to be stuck in a negative thought pattern for much longer than necessary. There used to be this show called Fear Factor, where literally the whole show was about making people do terrible things to face their fears. Those on the show may have been terrified to do what is being asked of them, but if they are successful they earn a large sum of money. The guests on the show are able to face the fear in a safe environment because of the motivation of a prize. It is easy to see that the fear has a huge impact on the contestants but the reward is greater so they would be willing to face the fear. Often in our lives we cannot see the reward of facing our fears, in the moment our body is responding in hypermode and our brain becomes instantly clouded. Our body will naturally release cortisol in these moments. Many studies have been done, that if our bodies release too much of this hormone for extended periods of time it is more harmful than it is helpful.

Knowing that fear is merely an emotion that is chaining us, for no other reason than our body “thinks” something might happen to us, how do we approach this in a better light? How do we start to let go when we are faced with a moment that scares us? Oftentimes fear comes at us quickly and there isn’t time to think about our reaction. This is called out fight or flight response, which happens in a split second. Work on confronting the things we are afraid of that are not currently present during these intense moments. The fear of the unknown, or things that haven’t happened yet only brings about stress of an unknown scenario. Stressing over the unknown doesn’t bring solution, it stunts our growth as humans. I encourage you to take a moment and reflect on what you are afraid of right now, what is holding you back? During this reflection if I write things out on paper really helps me to see what exactly it is I am dealing with. Once I have it written out I am able to categorize it into pros and cons, and think with less emotion. Often when something is inside of our head we aren’t able to sort out the exact emotions connected with the fear and file it appropriately. 

Once you have filed and sorted out the fear you are having, I encourage you to think of the worst possible thing that could happen, and the best possible thing that could happen.Writing out the best and worst can reorganize the thoughts that are building up inside of our head. This helps to sort out the feelings and brings about clarity. It also helps to detach from fear and overwhelm that may come with it. Just because there is a possibility that something can happen doesn’t mean it will. I have come to the conclusion that knowledge of what could happen can be empowering. Allowing the fear to stop you because something “could” happen isn’t worth the risk of missing out on what may be the best experience of your life. Until next time assalamu alaikum (peace be upon you.)